I crumpled up the notes and let them sink to the bottom of the ocean
There on the floor they lay, and I was lying on the floor in my room
Staring at the ceiling and wondering where she went
The last time I saw her, she was driving in her car
Away from me, and my feet, too slow, couldn’t follow;
It was a scene too hard to swallow.
I took the note she gave me and put it on a spaceship.
Now it’s circling round the moon. Think I gave it up too soon?
It’s floating in the sky, and I’m floating on my side
In my bed, wondering why I’m sitting here, wasting life
I put on my shoes and walked across the floor
Pulled on the knob and opened the door.
The wind is bitter here. I never understand why it’s so cold
My coat is buttoned up to my throat
And the wind still gets in. I tucked my pants into my socks
And put mittens on my hands and looking like a fool
I walked and walked and ran until I found the place she lived
And like a shadow I sat and waited.
It was night time, and she never came home. I lay by the bushes.
I saw a policeman walk to the door and knock.
A man came outside with a fearful look on his face –
Was this the man she lived with now?
At once, his expression crumpled, his forehead fell into his palm
I knew what happened and somehow remained calm.
I moved to the garage roof. I could see into his open window.
He started removing her things from her drawers.
I knew they were hers, because I had seen them
A million times, looking flawless when she donned them.
And once they were strewn across the room
The man gave up and went to sleep, perhaps he accepted her doom.
I felt bad for him, but more so for me. I never got
To say anything to make up for what I had done.
And now she was dead. I lay on the roof and my face too
Fell into my palms, and I slept.
They found me in the morning, the neighbours
Who liked to snoop around her house for gossip.
I lay crumpled, as crumpled as the notes,
As crumpled as her lover’s face, as crumpled as the garbage
I had fallen beside. The people covered my head
In a white sheet and took me away in a van.
The man never knew I was there, and she never knew
That the last thing I wanted to say was never adieu.
But I fell with a smile that night. I was on to my next
Adventure. And I knew what I would find there,
In the murky ocean depths, or in the stars of heaven
And who was waiting, already there, to greet me
With open arms and a warm smile.
I felt as welcomed by her as I had in a while.