Please explicate

Confusing thoughts
back and forth in my brain
but to you I can’t explain
to you I can’t explain
can’t explain
I can’t explain

A tongue-tied picture
I can’t paint
Out of character
and seeming staged
a player’s stage
we’re all but players
the world’s a stage
world’s my stage
a stage

Am I the Queen of Disks
passed through an arid stretch?
Can I give myself loving attention
gift of energy, joy in living and health?
What is joy in living?
Have you been sleepwalking this life?
Are not the sweetest realities
but thoughts and dreams?
stars and dreams
Happiness is a dream

I held a small and fragile thing
in my hand
but it fell apart like sand
slipped away like sand
or I crushed it like
castles made of sand
never last
can’t last
present past

A liminal space
to hang my coat
a doorway, elevator, beach
or twilight zone
I can’t stay afloat
holes purposely drilled
in this wooden boat
carrying fortune and pearls
losing fortune and pearls
losing purity, hope
boys and girls
boys and girls

A change is in the air
in the wind, through the trees
I hear it at night
in my bed, in my dreams
I wander off, in waking life
by the river, by the lake
lulled by the waves, and pulled
by the tide
having waded in the tide
nearly drowned in caves
where I’ve tried to hide,
burying past lives,
burying treasure, stories, lies
fiction is a lie
living a lie
I can’t lie

Confusing thoughts
back and forth in my mind
but to you I am inclined
to you I am inclined
so inclined
to redefine
prudence and rationality
for who needs a sound mind
I am not of sound mind
redefine
hollow mind

I will never be a strawman
dead man
hollow man
opaque and empty
lazy and deluded
I am disillusioned, not enchanted
not enchanting
how many times can you be labelled
a downer before
you realize you’re not a realist
but a pessimistic cynic
tired of life’s gimmick
never one to mimic
the hollow man
the stuffed man
exploring the dead land
under fading star
realizing we’ve not come far
travelled far
not very far

As I spew a poison
As I snare a hare
As I cough up venomous tongues
I cannot help but care
Though I try and plan escape
my feet stay rooted here
and so I feel conflicted
I still remain in sight
while longing to disappear
I’ll fade away
under fading star
starlight, star bright
star I haven’t seen tonight
come back tonight
tonight

Confusing thoughts
back and forth in my brain
but to you I can’t explain
to you I can’t explain
can’t explain
I can’t explain

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Pronoun

No singularity defines her and she is bound by no laws.

She dances to the wind with the grasses and trees.

She is starlight and nothing physical or meta will bind her. She is not a chocolate to be unwrapped, a body to be undressed. She is sunshine and unspoken words. Nameless as a breath, but just as vital.

She is stormy, a fierce water wide and strong. She calls tempest or she calls calm.

She is purpose and purposeful.

She resides beside a hateful void of pitch and ire. She holds the key to Pandora’s box which was originally broke ope by Adam. She has condemned Adam.

She is judge, jury and life giver. Life bringer. She wields only arrows of Truth.

She plays and toys and laughs a tune. She takes it in stride. She calls Death to play the serious role and she chooses Life.

She is unearthly though of this earth. She is not the rose of June.

She is yearning. She is desire. She is in spite of man’s folly. She is in spite of disaster.

She is timeless and truth. Truth beauty.

Endless.

My Life as a Word

If my life is an ocean deep,
I cannot control the barrage of waves,
the frigid waters, nor the undertow
dragging me to the depths

If my life is a forest fire
I cannot control the wind fanning the flames,
save the woodland creatures fleeing in terror,
nor escape the scorching heat
threatening to turn me to ash

If my life is a vast, dry desert
I cannot command the rain to fall,
the drought to end, nor cast the sun from the sky
though it burns my skin

If my life is an afflicted plague
I cannot control its spread,
it’s path of destruction, or the numbers
it kills through perilous infection

If my life is a car without brakes
I cannot stop the fuel, slow the speed,
nor save all that lies in my path
though surely the wreckage is inevitable

If my life is me
All I have is me,
and what’s perhaps in my pocket –
not much, no ring of elven gold, but maybe
some chap stick and string –

All I control are these aching bones
attached to my withering limbs
and slackening skin

but also I command my language;
I have a ferocity with words
and often unleash them without thought,
they are my last defense.

I build a life raft of syllables uttered from these lips
I create a proverbial shield against the bombardment of fire
and run away on legs made from quick-witted phrases
I dig a hole with my spade of savvy repertoire, collecting
dew on a makeshift leaf of colloquium and self-talk
to filter tears of discourse to drinking water

I wear a murmuring mask articulating both the danger
and saving grace of infectious confabulation
I jump from moving vehicles with a parachute of parlance
and cushion my fall with doublespeak softness

There is redemption in language and controlling one’s own voice
There is power in joining your speech and your mind
to conquer villains of the world and of the imagination

If my life is a word
it is resilient. 

Why Not Wednesday?

An ethical dilemma
before the job starts

advertise for something
you’d never buy

not only would you not buy it
you wouldn’t wrap it
in a box with bows
or sign your name in the card

you’d pretend you’ve never
been near or heard of
this thing in your life

and here you are,
sword in hand so you might
take a stab in the dark

how to make this
bull shit look like
a heart-shaped box
of chocolates.