The Should Do List

I should get more air.

I should get some exercise.

I should drink less coffee.

I should drink more water.

I should run.

I should believe in myself.

I should love more.

I should lie less.

I should trust my friends more.

I should give less fucks.

I should be more honest.

I should get less hurt.

I should take my dog for more walks.

I should eat less sugar.

I should smile more.

I should complain less.

I should do something with my anger.

I should write more.

I should watch less TV.

I should organize my time.

I should put more value on time.

I should eat more vegetables.

I should bake more.

I should be healthier.

I should lurk less.

I should get more sleep.

I should get a new phone.

I should spend more time recycling.

I should think less.

I should think more.

I should listen to more music.

I should spend less money.

I should want less stuff.

I should pay more bills.

I should organize my finances.

I should work on my anxiety.

I should confront my fears.

I should clean my room more often.

I should work on keeping my room clean.

I should work on staying in touch.

I should be happier saying goodbye.

I should get off the computer more.

I should go for a hike.

I should appreciate autumn.

I should appreciate winter.

I should appreciate spring.

I should see more sun in the summer.

I should sing in the shower.

I should dance while I work.

I should …should…should…should…

Does ‘should’ even look like a real word anymore?

I should write a “To Do” list.

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words like daggers

You can put me on a pedestal,
brush my hair back from my face.

You can count the dewdrops on the flowers
instead of all my disgrace

You can bathe me in the moonlight,
so my flaws can’t ever show

You can sing sweet soothing lullabies,
and still I’ll hate you so.

You can tear me down and bully me,
a slap across my face

You can point out each and every flaw,
call attention to this disgrace

You can take a mark away here or there,
you can’t reward the good I know

You’ll punish me for things I’ve done not
to make me hate you so.

Yet, I’m not the devil nor an angel
I’m not a sinner nor am I pure

I hate and then I love again,
Tis passion’s curse not cure

Although I touch at each extreme,
don’t insult me to my face

I’m neither good nor bad nor anything,
that you could ever place.

Plague

The written word:
A virus, thrilling
Bores deep into the skin
Creates its cavernous cavity
Gnawing, eating, absorbing flesh
To feed and germinate
Spreading from limb to mind
A possession unlike any other
Sometimes resulting in spewage,
Uncontrollable waste –
Yet other times patterning
The ethereal rash which
Grasps and ropes observers in.

I was infected at birth
And I spored in my youth,
Pieces of myself falling here
And there, to the dismay
Of classmates and teachers alike.
They’d try and reattach the pieces,
Wearing gloves to stave off infection.
They didn’t deserve this plague anyway.
It was mine, wholly and fully and beautifully.
So what if they didn’t understand?

I managed to get under their skin anyway.

Still do, I think.

Stamped

A hand in the crowd

Is up, and up and up,

And a boot –

That big black boot, stomps that hand.

That boot is on a white, hairy foot.

And there is nothing you can do.

There is no voice you can use that is not your own

Even after your own has been hated.

There are no words you can speak

That will not be spilling from the mouth that is yours.

There is nothing you can do to replace

That you

That is inside you

That is inside you.

This is no Dr. Seuss book – though he spoke of truth

In rhyme and verse and nonsense speech

And coined the ‘nerd’ we hate to teach –

But there is truth in every letter of every word

Because it is written down and permanent

And cannot be taken back.

Memory can be transformed, muted, manipulated,

But cannot ever be taken away.

And the matter in life. Is.

What once there was, will always be

And yet cannot be ever again.

And I just have to worry about not being squashed

By a louder, bigger, whiter, stronger

Boot.

But I will not trade in my heels just yet.