Please explicate

Confusing thoughts
back and forth in my brain
but to you I can’t explain
to you I can’t explain
can’t explain
I can’t explain

A tongue-tied picture
I can’t paint
Out of character
and seeming staged
a player’s stage
we’re all but players
the world’s a stage
world’s my stage
a stage

Am I the Queen of Disks
passed through an arid stretch?
Can I give myself loving attention
gift of energy, joy in living and health?
What is joy in living?
Have you been sleepwalking this life?
Are not the sweetest realities
but thoughts and dreams?
stars and dreams
Happiness is a dream

I held a small and fragile thing
in my hand
but it fell apart like sand
slipped away like sand
or I crushed it like
castles made of sand
never last
can’t last
present past

A liminal space
to hang my coat
a doorway, elevator, beach
or twilight zone
I can’t stay afloat
holes purposely drilled
in this wooden boat
carrying fortune and pearls
losing fortune and pearls
losing purity, hope
boys and girls
boys and girls

A change is in the air
in the wind, through the trees
I hear it at night
in my bed, in my dreams
I wander off, in waking life
by the river, by the lake
lulled by the waves, and pulled
by the tide
having waded in the tide
nearly drowned in caves
where I’ve tried to hide,
burying past lives,
burying treasure, stories, lies
fiction is a lie
living a lie
I can’t lie

Confusing thoughts
back and forth in my mind
but to you I am inclined
to you I am inclined
so inclined
to redefine
prudence and rationality
for who needs a sound mind
I am not of sound mind
redefine
hollow mind

I will never be a strawman
dead man
hollow man
opaque and empty
lazy and deluded
I am disillusioned, not enchanted
not enchanting
how many times can you be labelled
a downer before
you realize you’re not a realist
but a pessimistic cynic
tired of life’s gimmick
never one to mimic
the hollow man
the stuffed man
exploring the dead land
under fading star
realizing we’ve not come far
travelled far
not very far

As I spew a poison
As I snare a hare
As I cough up venomous tongues
I cannot help but care
Though I try and plan escape
my feet stay rooted here
and so I feel conflicted
I still remain in sight
while longing to disappear
I’ll fade away
under fading star
starlight, star bright
star I haven’t seen tonight
come back tonight
tonight

Confusing thoughts
back and forth in my brain
but to you I can’t explain
to you I can’t explain
can’t explain
I can’t explain

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Plague

The written word:
A virus, thrilling
Bores deep into the skin
Creates its cavernous cavity
Gnawing, eating, absorbing flesh
To feed and germinate
Spreading from limb to mind
A possession unlike any other
Sometimes resulting in spewage,
Uncontrollable waste –
Yet other times patterning
The ethereal rash which
Grasps and ropes observers in.

I was infected at birth
And I spored in my youth,
Pieces of myself falling here
And there, to the dismay
Of classmates and teachers alike.
They’d try and reattach the pieces,
Wearing gloves to stave off infection.
They didn’t deserve this plague anyway.
It was mine, wholly and fully and beautifully.
So what if they didn’t understand?

I managed to get under their skin anyway.

Still do, I think.

Another Blog

I just wanted to make note that I have started another blog as well. (I mean other than unexpected stories).

I thought of starting a “manners” blog almost a year ago when I was still in the midst of university madness, working in retail, and experiencing rude people daily.  However, I did not have the time – nor energy – while in university.  Now I have the opportunity to do the blog I wish AND get school credit, though, so I’ve picked up the torch once more.

To check out another blog of mine, just click here. There are many more posts coming! Including “Retail Reminders” designed to keep annoying consumers in line – yes, that could be you. Please enjoy, but feel free to ignore the post that suggests smiling. I know it’s sometimes hard to do, my melancholic friends.

Do you question?

Will it ever be different? Or will it stay the same?

Will the past come back to haunt us, or is it we became,

Something no one understood, let alone ourselves,

Something terrible and beautiful: dusty crystal on the shelves.

And what do you say to cloudy days, and lying on your back

Out underneath the dark grey sky until it’s only love light that you lack?

What do you say to cold hard truth, and never telling lies?

Even if it means regret, sometimes sorrow, and the hardest of goodbyes…

What do you say to living, and never giving up?

What do you say to drinking from the everlasting cup?

What do you see when you see me?

Am I happy, am I free?

Or do you see a sad, sad person,

Whose condition only worsens.

I want you to feel everything, everything good and bad.

But then I want to shield you, if anything makes you sad.

What do you say to pain, if it makes you grow?

What do you say to weather, the sun, the sleet, the snow?

What do you say to freezing, or drowning in the depths?

What do you say to walking, or counting all your steps?

Do you dwell in past or present? Is living your only chore?

Or do you relish every day, always asking for one more?

Don’t you ever stop asking questions, never stop talking to me.

Don’t ever look in the mirror, and think you weren’t meant to be.

Don’t overanalyse Shakespeare, because it’s been done before.

Always question teachers, always question war.

Always look for peace – inside you and out,

And in each authority figure find some kind of doubt.

See that propaganda?  Always see both sides.

Always look for fairness, always close divides.

Watch the sun rise once a month, to remind yourself things change.

Question what is normal, and be a little strange.

Do you wonder what people think of you?  Try and break routine.

Think of who you want to be, and everything in between.

Will we ever talk together, or sit and just be friends?

Or do love and hate still part us so there will never be an end?

If history repeats itself, are we doomed to the same fate?

If we realize we’re wrong, will we realize too late?

I sit and ask these questions, and hope you’re slightly the same,

But understand it’s difference, that keeps the world from being lame.

And though these differences divide us, we still have the same heart,

We’re pumping blood through body, and appreciate that art.

We rant and exclaim at unlike things, but somehow find that line

Right down the middle of our acquaintance and it is what defines

Us as two individuals, who’ve had a troubled past

And look towards the future to live and live it fast.

We’ve made mistakes in all our lives, ones which we do and don’t regret

Don’t let these haunt your dreams, or to joy become a threat.

The point is don’t hang on, to actions done and done.

Move past these idle thoughts; get rid of every one.

If you’re reading this today, and are alive and free

Appreciate each breath, enjoy the things you see.

It’s an ironic world in which the easiest way to learn is through experience,

Though experience is hard, and sometimes makes you wince

And leaves scars both visible and not

Leaving people silent when sometimes they ought

To speak their mind and question why we did those things

That we knew were stupid, like trying to fly sans wings.

I’ve learned, and I know you have too.

It’s made us cry; it’s made us blue,

But it’s bought colour to our lives, and some happy moments too.

And I have to say my life is like this all because of you.

I question things, and learn a lot and I’m listening always.

To the people’s words, to trees and birds, to things unheard,

To the inner voice, and the old Rolls Royce, and every choice

To people’s thoughts, and words on page, and every phrase –

Because everybody matters, and everything’s alive.

Appreciate the moments, sounds, and never drink and drive.

I want you to be happy, I want to share with you

That every moment you can learn while always being true.

Do you ever wonder, why the world is never quiet?

Do you ever wish, that my writing took a diet?

I can’t be silent, won’t stop talking, writing’s not a sin.

And with every question, does a story not begin?

I churn the butter, spin the wheel, and so concoct a tale,

In hopes to keep you pondering, in hopes to never fail.

In hopes of wrapping up this rant, I have just one last plea,

Never ignore your neighbour, and seek the opportunity

To do some good in every day, don’t push aside those in your way,

To ask, and hope, and love and pray, and see that path? It’s alright to stray,

In the end just try and smile,

It’s okay to be blue, but once in a while

You want to be happy and be okay,

And shine your light, like the sun’s rays.

Something like a sonnet

It is not desire…nor is it longing,

Rather, I have a craving…

I crave your injustice, the wrongness of us

I crave the wholeness of the void you’d fill

I crave what everyone has – but with a twist,

Because who would I be, if not different?

No, I need something much more forbidden,

I am lured by temptation, and evil is my northern star.

My hands, they shake and my nervous breath

Is the vibrato in your ear, on your neck

Smoke rings are my halo, and pride my horns,

And my claws will rake stories on your back.

I want to be bad. I want to make you cry.

I will leave you wanting more, like nicotine on your breath,

I remind you of our soon-to-be and imminent death.